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      Today, i turn 40.

      Yet it feels like another ordinary day. No plans. No celebration. It has been like this for more than a decade now. 

      I wish i can have one birthday where my year and life is celebrated. Im so tired of always taking the backseat.


      After a few years as Army Officer with the Engineering Brigade  , i spent a decade working in the BPO Industry.  While I can say that during my 4 year stint in the Army was a life changer , the 11 years in the BPO industry was generally Wild , Exciting and mostly stressful .  On my 11th year ,  i decided that i will have to cut short my BPO adventures and started working for a company that shows a promising prospect in the mining and construction industry . 

      In 2012 i was primarily station in Camarines Norte working as Admin Staff for Gold Mining Project , when there were  issues about  production discrepancies I was delegated to conduct an ad hoc performance and production evaluation . From an Admin Staff,  I was Promoted to Process Engineer overnight . 11 months after I was hired I was the  Process Implementation MAnager for the site and my Roller Coaster Career started  from that point on.

      One of the good things about my work is that i travel a lot most of the time . Over the span of 10 years i have visited most of Southern Luzon, the Entirety of Northern Mindanao , most of the Islands of Tawi Tawi, about 3/4 of ARMM and the southern part of Palawan.  I also stayed at the contested Waters of West Philippine Sea since i was stationed at Pagasa Island for about 10 month 

      During the height of PAndeminc , despite the travel restrictions and ever changing Travel Guidelines , i was one of the few people in our company that was given special clearances to travel to active project sites . The only Quarantine that i experience was being confine to a One Star hotel at Tagbiliran Bohol for 1 one night , just so that i complied the provincial quarantine guidelines . While  I am a firm believer about the dangers and how fatal Covid 19 presents I was really sure that i will not succumb to that disease . 

      Because of the limited deployment of competent technical personnel , most of the site and department managerial functions were temporarily assigned to me by default . this method while practical and efficient,  has slowly develop a mental strain on my part  . im developing work insomnia , i have to drink significant amount of alcohol in order for me to have an 8 hour sleep and despite of training capable subordinates , i cant shake the feeling that somewhere in the work process , things will go awry . i have to exert extra effort just to be focus.  

      from my own perspective , everything is not good enough , while i encourage my immediate subordinates to be creative and Innovative , i frown on their inefficient and untimely output . Maybe im just saturated with work or maybe i have not noticed that my added responsibility has changed my outlook without me noticing it . Im slowly becoming to a boss that i always avoided . 

      can work really change a person ? or im just not used to having this amount of authority that want to impress my superiors rather than earning the respect of my subordinates and peers . 









    3. At 45 I Dreamed of Death (2019 Marc 22)

      At 45 the universe connected with me through my dreams, told me to hold you tight. In my dreams I saw the planet killer, devourer of life, ender of hope, the apocalypse in the form of a giant space rock. The radio said we had 2 minutes left but death pummelled through the clouds earlier than expected. I don't think it mattered. No length of time is enough to say goodbyes. We were at the top of Antipolo overlooking Ortigas. At first it was slow, beautiful almost to behold. Without warning the huge object accelerated and disintegrated buildings throwing pieces of the earth to the heavens, and then I finally realised that our love has come to an end. You were strong you faced the end, I turned my back and embraced you one last time. I said mahal na mahal kita, Love. But the pain never came. It was dark and cold, I saw stars.

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      always trust your gut, it knows what your head hasn’t figured out yet.


    4. The Filipinos know what's happening, thanks to social media. Filipinos just don't care enough about the Philippines anymore. Our country is continually raped again and again by the same people and these offenses are continued by their sons and daughters.

      Why should I care for the Filipinos? Why should I care for the Philippines?

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