programmerL

Been playing LoL since Season 2. Stopped around the time they just released Azir. Playing on Mobile is fun but I guess I really suck if I'm stuck Gold even after all these years of playing.

The Alchemist Code because of the slow update on the story and the poor drop rates of gacha Ragnarok: Eternal Love for too much content that it becomes a job rather than a fun activitiy Cardfight!! Vanguard Zero for the constant grind for ranked matches just to stay on top 100 on the global server.

My favorite characters are Diluc, Qiqi and Ganyu so far.

I choose money because I didn't have a choice. While my relatives are rich, they never really extend their hands to help in a way that we would really be on par with them and that's fine since I feel that it shouldn't be that way anyways. I try to think about it in a way that maybe I can fulfill my passion as I get older but it doesn't really work like that at least for my end. I feel like as I work through the years, the passion fades and I feel like it's not what I truly wanted anymore. The years of pursuing money just felt empty for me and I feel like I have nowhere to go if I leave work and it turned out that way when I left work last year. I couldn't get myself motivate to work in the industry that I never had any interest to begin with anymore and when I try to pursue my passion, I ended up not even given a change to prove myself. Sigh... I'm still trying despite all the rejection but I might loose my confidence in time if the rejections are persistent.

I have to buy her medicine, pay for repairing a house I do not own, apart from providing daily needs. Maybe I have it easy than most breadwinner since it's just my mom I'm dealing with but her maintenance medicine isn't exactly cheap and her groceries are just too much. Her groceries cost 4x I usually spend on month and it irks me. Not to mention my married sister asking for help on some purchases from time to time telling me she would pay me back but it's been more than 2 years since she purchased the item and she hasn't completed her payment yet. I try to be patient but I kind of wanted her to pay up. I've been doing a job I hate for 6 years because I have to shoulder their needs. I couldn't marry my girl because of that nor can I buy a house for my own that we can settle in. I also have to consider her once I get married too. Sigh... Am I being too selfish?

She's my first girlfriend. I didn't plan to commit to one since I was planning to kill myself when I reached 30. I didn't invest in friendships or keeping tabs on anyone or keeping anybody close, which is why I don't have anybody close to me other than her. Before I got into the job I hated, I really went with trying to get to that ream job at first but my family's suffering from finance troubles while I still continue to hone my skills to be career-ready. I decided to stop since I realized that I'm going nowhere so I decided to work in the IT Industry. 6 years later, I forgot everything I've learned from my dream job, making me feel more miserable. When I try to code or design a game level, my head just hurts or my heart feels drained. I cannot get the designs I wanted nor can I write the code like I did back when I was making my RPG game thesis back in college. Maybe my goals are different now or something. I don't know. I've been dabbling into anything ethical recently and I tried to take my mind of killing myself because of her but I feel like a looser. I can't get a job despite being transparent on my interviews and being myself. But lately I've gaining interest on 2 things: Writing and Welding. If money wasn't a problem I wanted to get some skills training on either one of them soon but I need a job first. Since I cannot find a goal for myself right now, I just find a goal that my partner wants for us. She wants a home for us so I'm trying to get one as soon as I pay my debts due to unemployment. I really hate myself for making stupid decisions...

Currently just Fire Emblem 3 Houses. Trying to get the Silver Snow Ending on Maddening mode then I'm going to try a no New Game + run after on Maddening difficulty. After that, probably Monster Hunter Rise when it comes out.

Not really. Technically, my goal was to get the things I love and missed back when I was a kid/teen then kill myself when I get to 30 since I'm kind of fulfilled already. That was until I fell for a girl and now I'm regretting not making good life decisions since I wanted to give the best for her. While I was able to get all the things I love besides being in job that I always wanted to be, that one thing I didn't get made me feel lonely as I trudge through my life. I had to give up that dream job so I that I can help my mother on her finances and medicine for 6 years and now I just feel so miserable. I tried my best to keep spinning my negativity about work by motivating myself to like the work I'm doing where I even sleep every night repeating those words in my head but I only end up being more miserable as the years went by. It came to the point where I'm so depressed that I don't want to work anymore and ended up resigning as I have lost my motivation to do anything anymore. If it weren't for meeting my girlfriend 3 years ago, I would have gone insane already and went ahead with my scheduled suicide earlier than expected. I know this is kind of heavy but I don't know where to let this out. I'm not asking for any consolation or any help but I hope you can let me post this here.